what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
