if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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