yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
