screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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