why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
