He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
