Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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