We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
