I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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