He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
