Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
