Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It was confusing and full of hummus
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
