I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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