Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
