That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
