i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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