Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
