margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
