just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
