in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
