You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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