I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
