also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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