i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
