I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
