im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
