he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
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