I'm pants shitting drunk right now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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