her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
4 words: hood of his car
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
