So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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