I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
