is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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