Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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