You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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