I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
