i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
