dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
