The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
