I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
