i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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