I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
