Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
