I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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