i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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