I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
