It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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