my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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