I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
