Little spoons don't ask big questions
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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