just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
